George Washington curses the other forty-four presidents who are also honored on Presidents Day
SATIRE
George Washington is cursing the other 44 presidents for having the gall to share the day, Presidents Day, which was set aside to honor him.
The first president of the United States (POTUS) took time out of his busy day of reading and rocking in his chair to talk to Don Right of Afterlife News Network (ANN) about this day that is suppose to be solely for him:
“On this day, the 18th of February, I was born not too long ago in
1732 in what today is Virginia. My father is Augustine
Washington, a successful businessman who raised tobacco and
slaves. My mother, Mary Ball, is a success in her own right. Like
my father, her business was also cash products. It never occurred
to me that I, George Washington, the son of a respected
plantation owner would have to share the day I first came to be
with 44 other people who can’t hold a flicker of a candle light to
me.”
Mr. Right asked Washington if he ever considered that by having the month of his birthday as the official federal holiday celebrating all of the presidents of the United States that it is the country’s way of recognizing his role of forming a country separate from the old country.
Washington stopped rocking in his chair, placed his book in his lap, and looked directly at Mr. Right while speaking in a calm, but firm voice, “…for a smidgen of a second.”
The first POTUS went on to say, “I refrained from allowing such a thought to occupy the confines of my mind for more than a smidgen of a second. If it wasn’t for my military expertise and political acumen, the United States of America would never be.”
Mr. Right told Washington that other events like the War of 1812, the Civil War, and the Great Depression could have easily ended the existence of the United States.
Unfazed by the reporter’s implication that other presidents helped to maintain the country’s existence, Washington simply replied that his verbal presentation of what would have been amounts to nothing more than evidence of why the men who followed him couldn’t hold a flicker of a candle light to him.
Washington said, “I used the few grains that were given to me in order to build this great nation. It is my foundation upon which the United States of America continues to stand. If that wide-eyed Thomas Jefferson or that old dog John Adams had been this nation’s first president, a simple disagreement would have shaken her foundation to its core! I am the foundation upon which this great nation is built and sustain upon and that reason alone is why I, George Washington, should be the only president the country celebrates on Presidents Day!”
Mr. Right smiled slightly and then reminded Washington that John Adams was his VEEP (vice president of the United States).
Being reminded of such a thing caused Washington to sigh, “Ugh, not my choosing.”
Mr. Right used Washington’s comment as a segway into his next question, “Also not of your ‘choosing’ is the day you were born, February 22, 1732?”
Washington’s eyes flew open and he quickly snapped at Mr. Right, “What are you implying, young sir?!”
Not moved by the first POTUS’ anger, Mr. Right continued, “Sharing Presidents Day with 44 other presidents is not a slight to you because you weren’t born on Presidents Day which is February 18, 2019. You were born on February 22, 1732!”
Washington quickly stood up, looked down at the young reporter and replied, “I dare you young sir! I am the Father of this 242-year-old nation! I, GEORGE WASHINGTON, used my vast knowledge and bare hands to build this American land! If I had not been the FIRST president, you, young sir, wouldn’t be here in my presence insinuating such ridiculous things! I call upon the Fates to banish thee to a life of peasantry in the far out Western lands where the Natives roam!”
“Mr. President, sir, the Native Americans don’t roam. They are afforded all the rights as all citizens of the United States of America,” Mr. Right responded.
“Well then, I’ll banish thee to live a middle-class life in Montana without Netflix, Hulu, or cable TV,” Washington said.
George Washington is cursing the other 44 presidents for having the gall to share the day, Presidents Day, which was set aside to honor him.
The first president of the United States (POTUS) took time out of his busy day of reading and rocking in his chair to talk to Don Right of Afterlife News Network (ANN) about this day that is suppose to be solely for him:
“On this day, the 18th of February, I was born not too long ago in
1732 in what today is Virginia. My father is Augustine
Washington, a successful businessman who raised tobacco and
slaves. My mother, Mary Ball, is a success in her own right. Like
my father, her business was also cash products. It never occurred
to me that I, George Washington, the son of a respected
plantation owner would have to share the day I first came to be
with 44 other people who can’t hold a flicker of a candle light to
me.”
Mr. Right asked Washington if he ever considered that by having the month of his birthday as the official federal holiday celebrating all of the presidents of the United States that it is the country’s way of recognizing his role of forming a country separate from the old country.
Washington stopped rocking in his chair, placed his book in his lap, and looked directly at Mr. Right while speaking in a calm, but firm voice, “…for a smidgen of a second.”
The first POTUS went on to say, “I refrained from allowing such a thought to occupy the confines of my mind for more than a smidgen of a second. If it wasn’t for my military expertise and political acumen, the United States of America would never be.”
Mr. Right told Washington that other events like the War of 1812, the Civil War, and the Great Depression could have easily ended the existence of the United States.
Unfazed by the reporter’s implication that other presidents helped to maintain the country’s existence, Washington simply replied that his verbal presentation of what would have been amounts to nothing more than evidence of why the men who followed him couldn’t hold a flicker of a candle light to him.
Washington said, “I used the few grains that were given to me in order to build this great nation. It is my foundation upon which the United States of America continues to stand. If that wide-eyed Thomas Jefferson or that old dog John Adams had been this nation’s first president, a simple disagreement would have shaken her foundation to its core! I am the foundation upon which this great nation is built and sustain upon and that reason alone is why I, George Washington, should be the only president the country celebrates on Presidents Day!”
Mr. Right smiled slightly and then reminded Washington that John Adams was his VEEP (vice president of the United States).
Being reminded of such a thing caused Washington to sigh, “Ugh, not my choosing.”
Mr. Right used Washington’s comment as a segway into his next question, “Also not of your ‘choosing’ is the day you were born, February 22, 1732?”
Washington’s eyes flew open and he quickly snapped at Mr. Right, “What are you implying, young sir?!”
Not moved by the first POTUS’ anger, Mr. Right continued, “Sharing Presidents Day with 44 other presidents is not a slight to you because you weren’t born on Presidents Day which is February 18, 2019. You were born on February 22, 1732!”
Washington quickly stood up, looked down at the young reporter and replied, “I dare you young sir! I am the Father of this 242-year-old nation! I, GEORGE WASHINGTON, used my vast knowledge and bare hands to build this American land! If I had not been the FIRST president, you, young sir, wouldn’t be here in my presence insinuating such ridiculous things! I call upon the Fates to banish thee to a life of peasantry in the far out Western lands where the Natives roam!”
“Mr. President, sir, the Native Americans don’t roam. They are afforded all the rights as all citizens of the United States of America,” Mr. Right responded.
“Well then, I’ll banish thee to live a middle-class life in Montana without Netflix, Hulu, or cable TV,” Washington said.
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